Total Read Time: 7 Minutes
Over the past 3 days I have had the worst mood swings in months. The more people I talk to between work and home, the more I find consistencies in their emotional irregularities. Oxymoron, (consistent irregularities) I know, but mine were more than just environmentally related.
I had to go to the dentist, which I have an irrational fear of . The days leading up to my appointment were awful. Everything effected me. The things I could bounce off of me normally really dug deep. Even the little things like stupid joking comments from people at work just had more of an effect than usual.
I wrote this for all of you dealing with a similar mood swing. It’s so natural. Maybe more natural than we all realize.
You can do it! I believe in you. You’re amazing!
Without further rambling…
I made the realization yesterday over coffee. Thinking back on my writing about alcohol, I correlated it to writing. The resistance to Start writing is so akin to the resistance to Stop drinking. I wrote,
It’s self-perpetuating. Alcohol demands more of itself. The hardest part is to stop.Andrey Starostin: Alcohol
The easiest… not starting at all.
The self perpetuation can be understood as a state of flow,
see my writing on flow in How to Find Your Passion.
It’s quite simple to keep writing once I start, due to said state of flow. I realized alcohol’s similarity in that perpetuation. So I thought about the resistance between wanting to stop drinking and wanting to start writing.
It’s hardest to stop drinking after the first few drinks.
It’s hardest to stop writing after you start.
It’s easiest to prevent the perpetuation of drinking by forcing yourself not to start.
It’s easiest to begin the perpetuation of writing by forcing yourself to start.
Life seems to be so full of resistance. The richest moments of our lives demand difficulty in one way or another. The War Of Art, by Steven Pressfield is a perfect manual, almost a writer’s bible. It is the mirror you didn’t know you could look into. Relating to all creators, Pressfield brings clarity to the physical, emotional, and spiritual resistance all creators feel to sit down and get to work. The rationales we justify Not writing with. Easily in my top 10 books of all time.
My point is, I am flawed.
Unfortunately, I succumb to the resistance and my writing goes days, weeks, sometimes months without seeing a pen touch paper. I battle the desire to be more productive. I want the ability to write any time I choose. I wish I had the control.
Why isn’t there a gym of my mind? Why can’t I go through the motions and deadlift words out onto paper?
As a young boy, I formulated rationalization to explain why the world worked. I had to make sense of things. When people get mad, they return to happy. When people quit a job, someone replaces them. When I run around the playground all day, I get a sunburn. Everything seemed transactional, as if to have a reaction or an exchange of energy.
As bad as things get, the show must go on.
My equilibrium theories have never let me down, but I have no explanation for them. The moon comes around every 27.3 days. It’s no coincidence that oceanic tides change, hospital attendance rates spike, and restaurant call-offs occur around the same time.
How have you noticed these wavelengths in your life? It seems like one day you’re posting on instagram, and other days you’re beating yourself up.
My point with the equilibrium theory and my discipline is that some days it’s so easy to write. Some days, I can barely get out of bed. I look for ways to influence those days into my liking.. perhaps by
I want to control the wavelengths.
I want to find the optimal length, intensity, and frequency.
I want to understand how my ups and downs can be steered into my favor.
I believe discipline, going through motions and forcing yourself to do the intentional right thing, will raise your “low’s,” but with an important caveat.
It seems to work by desensitizing you to the effects of your emotions.
That means your lows are less low.
It also means your highs are less high.
There has to be an ideal wavelength, where the highs hit all the marks, last long enough, and the lows are not downright crippling.
What if you could choose where the lows fall, as much as where your highs soar?
I want my highs to be involved with creative endeavors. I want to create at my peak performance. I want to analyze and understand with clarity and love for myself.
As for my lows… I aim to steer them at something… resilient. Durability in various facets of my life offer the ability to absorb negativity and bounce back faster.
I believe you can practice steering negative states into parts of your life that are definite and indestructible. Controlling the downside seems to be the first step, letting the upside glow and aid in recovery.
I know, I know this sounds like some woo woo freaky mind games. I don’t deny that it’s out there. As soon as someone starts talking about moons and astrology people automatically have a predisposition to… you get the point. I’m just a young boy trying to make sense of the world.
I’ve heard from a lot of you that you can relate… creating things is hard.
So far the best examples come from states of clarity.
Clarity is when you’re centered. You can drop into yourself and sit in a state of experience. You’re aware, present, and intentional. Clarity is where I see that I’m right.
When do you experience clarity?
Can you access it?
I’ve never been able to provoke clarity, but I’ve learned to recognize it when its there. I use clarity to recalibrate where I am in the wavelength.
I encourage you to try it next time you are having an amazing day. Try to drop into yourself and write down your desires, your goals, your downfalls, things you want to be more intentional with, and experience the moment, recognizing it shouldn’t always be there.
It’s a work in progress, this theory of equilibrium. I wish I could control it, but I’ll settle for simply understanding it.
It offers some explanation for why I am the way I am.
While I may feel out of control, I gain some peace with the fact that some force in this world is.
To my support around the world. My family, friends, loved ones, critics, and editors. I can’t do this without you.
(Yes, I respond and read every one)