Total Read Time: 7 Minutes
I went for my first ”morning” run today (7am).
It was my 5th run of 2020, and I’m getting faster at unlocking hidden tools to feeling good.
The morning air was cold, like a strawberry you grab out of the fridge.
Only the burst shock chill went through my neck and collarbones instead of my teeth and jaw.
I sit now in a bright sunlit window in fresh laundered denim.
It’s a subtle squeeze as I write, having not written in what feels like weeks.
I mean I write poetry daily and keep a gratitude journal, but it feels like a farmer’s tan.
It’s warm enough next to this window that I took my shirt off.
Why do we overlook and move past
The passed proud-less promises
We made but couldn’t make happen
But glorify our life-long stay
At Hotel High School Hometown, USA
A goal is a debt and debt is designed
To perpetuate payments and pull
From you, a lifestyle you can’t afford
To put back down
Announce your defense against judgement
And your intentional time spent
As success in nostalgia
A goal feels clean and presentable when intentional time has been spent on it. That’s why we write them down and announce when we’ve started a month long cleanse.
The achievement happens when someone smiles at you and says, “good job, that’s a great goal, I wish I could do that.”
Then you quit because you’ve already gotten your pat on the back.
Discipline has to happen for personal accomplishment. You can’t fake the proof of time. Your reason, your “why” has to be for something so personal, it’s easier to do it than to face yourself after not.
Speaking of the test of time, if you’ve had a goal like picking up a guitar and learning to play for years, and the guitar is just sitting in your room, yet it’s really been years and you have better things to do, give that guitar away.
Time is telling you to forgive yourself for setting a goal you really didn’t want and accepting that you have better things to do. Don’t do yourself the injustice of feeling guilty any longer.
Designing Perpetual Debt
If you were to start a bank, what would your business plan look like?
People go to banks to put money in and take money out.
You’d need a safe.
You’ll need to fill it with money.
After your safe is full of money that it’s yours, you need to make money.
So you lend people other people’s money, in exchange for a percentage of interest you’ll get back in return.
You design a repayment program that allows for the people to pay back slowly, allowing for your interest to accrue over time.
The slower they pay, the more interest you earn.
It’s only fair, they have YOUR money for longer, right?
Goals work the same way.
Setting goals feels good like borrowing money feels good, because it makes you feel like you have this new lifestyle you can afford.
If you can’t lower your cost of living and buckle down to pay off your debts, you’ll perpetually be setting goals and never achieving the life you’re capable of living.
You’re Not a Mind-Reader
Side note: I was talking to a friend who called psychology majors “mind-readers,” which still makes me laugh thinking about it.
Who do you think you are, predicting what you’ll be interested in in the future?
I mean, I know it’s you and your brain, but can you honestly say you could have predicted where you’re at now?
So why would you say you know what success is and set goals for your future that depend upon this satisfaction you think you’ll have?
I preach loving yourself in just about everything I write. Setting yourself up for failure, when you achieve your goals and they weren’t good enough is not loving yourself.
My advice is to detach for a moment and think into your past.
Within your retrospective analysis, ask yourself what you’re proud of yourself for accomplishing.
What did you do that made it feel like an accomplishment?
Even if it’s as small as getting out of bed.
Try and stop thinking about the future, because you’re not ready for it yet.
T.S. Eliot’s East Coker,
“…wait without hope for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith but the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness’s shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.”
When you think about success, realize it can only be appreciated after it’s done. You see successful people for what they’ve accomplished. You see pride in yourself for standing the test of time and making it here. Enjoy today as if you’re looking at it ten years from now, with ten more years of mistakes and ten years of more wisdom.
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Small successes are a must for self confidence. But it’s also important to know it is a fact rather than an opinion that one will fail and more than once at that. It’s important to be easy on yourself and to forgive. Humans are made to make mistakes. To yourself you might seem like a subpar writer but to others you look like a professor with years of experience (trust me I don’t have the language you put in your stories and poems). It’s all about perspective. But the most important thing is you must love yourself. The basis and foundation of humanity is love (whether through religious or atheist view). To love is the basic principle of life. You must love. And not just others. You must love yourself. Just like a teapot pouring into little cups, you must be full of love first before you can spread true love to the rest without breaking or staying empty and unhappy. ❤️ Hugs to my favorite author. You should write a book. Seriously. Think about it. 😉
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“Try and stop thinking about the future, because you’re not ready for it yet.”
Now that’s profound AND practical advice. I’ll be trying to take that one to heart.
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I keep digging in my own frustration for peace.