Tag Archives: jocko willink

My YouTube Endeavor

I used to be a photographer.
I got burnt out trying to pursue a career in editorial and commercial photography.
I let it get to me.
I gave up.
I quit.

Once I put the camera down, I let the creative in me settle for less.

Now, I’m back. In more frames than one.

24 Frames a second.

Sometimes 60.

I’m making movies.

Here’s one I made for my dear friends after we helped them move to Tennessee. They will be missed.

The reward for good work is more work…

Let me know what you think of my movie.
Comment if you’ve ever been burnt out of your passion.
Share where you fell short, proudly.

Taking ownership is a beautiful thing.
Expecting failure, planning for derailment, anticipating straying from the path…
That can drive you mad, but it’s a lot more realistic than demanding perfection.
Plan to refocus yourself
like meditation
That will keep you out of insanity.

I love you guys,
Thank you for your support.

Andrey Starostin

Healthy Wealthy Happy

Total Read Time: 5 Minutes

If you were healthy and wealthy, do you believe you’d be invariably likely to also be happy?

If you solved happiness first, would you hack your way into health and wealth?

I know happiness
Like I know rain
From behind a pane of glass
Corresponding dryness
With memories of wet lips
Time standing
as
still
as
I am
At the mirror
Leaves shaken by western winds
Waiting for my feet
To catch up with my mind

-A

Healthy

It’s obvious how important your health is when you’re losing it.
I forgot where I heard this, but nothing is more important than something stuck in your eye.

When you find the weakest link, or when it finds you, it’s pretty obvious how many things you should have been doing.

Stretching
Bending
Playing

It doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom.
Most gyms are the same.
So if they’re the problem then figure out a way to play outside.

Some of my favorite ways to play

Find the tallest thing around you that you can touch.

See how fast you can get over something (fence, boulder, bench, yourself…)

Try and do something without hands, that normally requires hands (climbing, jumping, crossing).

Having fun doesn’t have to cost anything, staying healthy doesn’t mean degrading your self esteem.

Wealthy

THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON:
Expend less than you Produce

There are tricks and tips to build healthy habits and identify/eliminate bad ones.
I’m not here to tell you to unplug the toaster when not in use or to cook at home.

My favorite tricks to Remain in surplus:

Never drink alone.

If you buy a new pair of shoes, get rid of two old ones.

Find a water bottle you think looks really cool.
Cool enough to carry around everywhere.
Carry it around everywhere you go.

It’s worth mentioning… pay off your damn debt.
I’m constantly surprised by the amount of people I talk to in credit card debt.
I have all the compassion in the world for you out there…
Student debt got me good.
But come on now, don’t spend money you don’t have.

Happy

Now take a second with you eyes closed.
I mean it, close your eyes and think about this.

Imagine the state of health you’re currently in is good enough.

Forgive yourself for your debt and poor financial decisions.

There is happiness in every moment, and it doesn’t depend on you fixing things.

I truly believe you can be happy with where you are now, and love yourself for it.

I believe YOU would be happier if you tried.

For questions, connection, I would love to hear from you.

Email 
(Yes, I respond and read every one)
Andrey@andreystarostin.com

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Thank you for reading this far. 
You mean the world to me. 
I write for you.

Self Acceptance vs. Complacency

Total Read Time: 5 Minutes

I recently heard Tim Ferris’s interview of Brene Brown (Episode #409 – The Tim Ferriss Show) where they discussed relationships. As with most of his podcasts, Tim discussed ways of self betterment. He and Brene reach a topic that I in particular can relate and empathize with: the topic of self acceptance.

“There is a fine line between self acceptance and complacency.”

Let’s bring in a money analogy. When have you made enough money? If your goal is to “make more,” then what does it take to get you off that path? When do you realize you’re trapped in a never ending goal?

It looks like two outcomes really: You make more or you don’t. If you get what you want, it isn’t enough. If you aren’t making “more” money, then you’ll have to reconsider everything.

Money is really easy to understand.

It’s just a number. If you want it to grow, you have to define the goal number. The same principal has to be applied to your self acceptance.

How do you measure your self worth?

Now there’s a touchy topic. I’ve gone through months of trauma work and just scratched the surface. Trauma is everywhere and we have to make eye contact with it. I highly recommend Mastin Kipp as a start to learning about yourself. Below I’ll add recommended books etc.

You have to measure yourself based on who you are now, not who you want to be now. Speculation of your future self is bullshit. I’m sorry, but you don’t know what tomorrow looks like. For that reason, stop worrying about yourself. Today and right now are all that matters.

Step One

Accept does not mean like. You don’t have to like who you are right now, but you have to accept it. It’s done. Accept who you are right now.

Step Two

Accept all the things you can not change. If you don’t accept them, you’re stuck on repeat. “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein.

Step Three

Avoid complacency by being critical of the things you CAN change. Begin with things that are going well. Start with one thing and ask, “how can I be more intentional with the thing I love about myself?”

This is not something you want to eliminate. Remember, change does not have to be scary. Change can mean better. It should mean better. If you’ve been given the gift of beautiful hair, and you love that about yourself, how can you change to be more mindful, or twice as intentional with your hair?

Intention is the Key to Everything

I hate to be needlessly repetitive, but intention is my catch phrase. Jocko has “discipline” and “dichotomy.” I have “intention.”

I argue that intention is the solution for all of your problems. When you are intentional, it means you are in control. Control leads to easier solutions, because you have no one to blame and everything to change for the better.

Love Yourself

If you start being intentional with loving yourself I am sure you’ll have less time to wallow.

Displacement Strategy

You’re too busy loving yourself to hate yourself.

Or how about this.

You’re too busy improving the things you can, to be worried about the things you can’t.

Okay one more.

You stop noticing pebbles on the ground when you’re running.

Vacuum Strategy

Displacement is avoiding the formation of clutter in your living room (clothes, bags, useless garbage) by putting a couch there instead.

The vacuum is formed when you take out something you’re used to being there; your bed for example. It feels extra empty. The space is a vacuum for new things to fill it.

Take unwanted habits, bad role models, malevolent influences, and toxic environments out of your life. The vacuum that is created by that can only be filled with love. Love yourself first and your intention will naturally show you what is toxic and what is pure.

It’s like eating something out of a garden. You don’t grab the dirt. You just know what’s good for you. It looks so fresh and healthy. You don’t have to like it, but you have to accept it. You can be someone who hates fruits and vegetables, but you can’t deny that they are good for you.

Recipe for Life

Have you ever baked a cake? Baking is something I’ve never been able to do because the core construct involves trusting you’ve done everything correctly. You mix all the ingredients, then it’s out of your hands. You put it in the oven and pray.

The cooking I like to do involves tasting as you go. Adding additional salt, pepper, lemon, garlic. Giving each step thought and intention. Every ingredient serves a purpose and without each other, the dish is missing something.

Life should be a harmony of intentional steps forward. Life has no recipe where you do all the right things and come out risen and enlightened.

Life is today. Life is right now. You have the choice to carry yourself the way YOU intend. The one thing no one can ever take from you, is how you react. So react with intention. Give everything that deserves thought your loving intention. Let everything else stay in the past.

Thank YOU

For your time, your attention, your support, your kindness, your love

Andrey Starostin

Email
(Yes, I respond and read every one)
Andrey@andreystarostin.com

Instagram
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Recommended

The Tim Ferriss Show: For those with a commute. Music lets you think. Podcasts tell you what to think.

Mastin Kipp: Claim Your Power – This book changed the way I see myself. It really put me on the path.

Jocko Willink: Speaking of “the path,” Jocko is responsible for hours of my time and interest in getting my mental state battle ready. From war novels to Jiu Jitsu, Jocko covers all things to get you on the path to your best self. Discipline Equals Freedom is the book I started with. Review coming of his latest book, Leadership Strategy and Tactics.

Why do some people Never Break Up?

Total Read Time: 5 Minutes

What a lovely palindrome of a day (02 02 20 20). I was informed it was also our 33rd day of the year, with 333 days left. Allow me to geek out over numbers, moon patterns… moving onward!

People are so caught up in finding someone to be with.

Maybe it’s loneliness. Perhaps I’m wrong and people want to be left alone. I believe people live longer and are living happier lives when they are in healthy long term relationships. I would love that for YOU.

Here’s some stuff to look out for. 👀

I’ve racked my brain over healthy relationships. I’ve examined and analyzed couples who have confided in me with their difficulties. (I know you’re reading this, so know that I love you guys and can’t wait to hear from you).

This is a good spot to add, I’m no expert. I LOVE analysis. I find writing therapeutic. Please don’t do anything irrational after reading this. I only want what’s best for you and your loved ones.

Here are qualities that people in healthy relationships

MUST HAVE

Let me intensify: without these, your relationship is doomed.

I’ve chosen each word carefully

  • A Safe Communication Environment
  • Intentional Love
  • Compatible Foundational Life Goals

Things that make relationships inherently easier, NOT VITAL

Primary

  • Finding your person impressive
    • Imagine them in their element. Does it turn you on?
  • Similar attractiveness

Secondary

  • Equally opposite in masculinity/femininity
    • You’re both a blend of masculine and feminine. One of you is more masculine. The other is equally as much feminine as the first is masculine.
  • Similar Intelligence
  • A general predisposition for learning and improvement

Tertiary

  • Similar financial liquidity
    • It’s great to be pampered. Finances turn into really hard conversations when one person has had it easy all of their life while the other has had to struggle between paychecks. If you’re both on the same page, it just works easier.
  • Similar diet
    • I’m not saying you both have to be health nuts. I’m saying if one is a vegan, and the other hunts every season… that’s an important conflict.
  • Similar hobbies
    • Time is a precious commodity. If you both like to hike, that’s an amazing activity you can share in excitement with. The hike itself is fun, and the preparation builds the excitement that much more every day.

Clarification

Large caveat: I’m extremely lucky to be in a healthy relationship. Even more so, I’m lucky to be with someone who recognizes and values hard work. We’ve worked really hard to get where we are. There are still tough times. Trust is a huge factor. However, I promise it will be earned. I say will be earned because it takes the strength of time. Time will show you everything you need to see in your relationship.

Remember, I’m merely a man observing relationships around me. I’ve had the privilege to talk to some people about theirs. I’ve analyzed, from my perspective, what has led to their strengths. My writing is not absolute. Love has a way of defying all concepts of reason. The world doesn’t make sense some times, and yet works in a balance you can only observe in retrospect.

Let’s go back to the vital three.

A safe communication environment: A space where there is freedom to express each other’s opinions, conflicts, compliments, and so on. There is no judgment. This is a place for honest listening and cooperation. A place which brings us to…

Intentional Love: This is huge. Genuine, honest, intentional love. Intentional means you, at your core, want this. Love is everything that is good for your person. You truly want your special someone to be loved. To feel loved. To know that you love them.

Compatible Foundational Life Goals: This one’s tricky. This isn’t, “I want a house some day.” This is more like, “I want a lot of kids,” or “I want to serve my country as a Marine,” or “I want to live on the coast.” The goals of you and your loved one have to be compatible, they have to operate together and not contradict each other.

As for the following set of “Non vital,” I repeat they are not vital. They simply make getting along easier and making any compromises easier and more fluid.

Compromises

will make these flow into a healthy relationship. The vital list of three is a list I simply believe relationships need to end up with to make the long haul. I’ve seen people change for the better. I believe I am one of those people. That is what compromises are all about. The major factor here is Love. When you love someone, their needs make it easy to be selfless and commit yourself. If both of you are in love, both of you have a tendency to want to make sacrifices for the other. However, everything will crumble if you don’t feel safe enough to communicate your concerns, if you’re not sure if your person loves you, and if you’re both headed in opposite desired directions.

Thank you so much for your time

I’d like to expand in the future on the vital three. And maybe look at some relationships specifically and help or just walk through what works.

Please let me know if that’s something you’d be interested in!

Andrey Starostin

Email
(Yes, I respond and read every one)
Andrey@andreystarostin.com

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“Consider THIS Before Your Next Conversation.”

Total Read Time: 5 Minutes

Have you ever heard about the family that you actually got to choose for yourself? How about that you are the average of the 5 closest people to you? (Tim Ferriss quote… Seems to be a theme in my mentorship). The common denominator is your choice.

It really doesn’t matter where you are in life, what you’re working on, how much you’ve accomplished up until this point, or where you’re headed. The most valuable thing in our lives, is our relationship with the people around us.

Let’s take a bleak turn to drive it home.

On your death bed… Here Andrey goes again… You really get a clear picture of what truly mattered in your life. This is a gratefulness exercise. Imagine someone close to you died yesterday. What would you pay/do for one more day with them? Probably anything. I would pay anything…

This should make most of the so-called “problems” in your life go away instantly. Your relationship with people is above everything else.

Consider THIS before your next conversation.

Your day is built upon choices you make. You employ discipline, you have routines, and you choose the manner in which you conduct your relationships.

Relationships:

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Significant other
  • Boss
  • Coworkers
  • Mentor

Every interaction you have can be a withdrawal or a deposit into your ongoing relationship.

Visiting your mom and spending time cooking with her: Deposit.

Visiting your mom and communicating your stresses in life: it may sound like a withdrawal because stress can be vicariously taxing, but I’d bet it’s a deposit in your mom’s eyes.

Visiting your mom and recommending new exercises, yoga, hiking, and general motivation for getting more active: sounds like a deposit because of great intentions, but could be a withdrawal if mom is a human and takes criticism with a grain of salt.

The most immediate use of this logic is at work.

Everyone has difficult coworkers, an unreasonable boss, and unfathomable clients/customers. If you structure your interactions, with positive intention, your days will get better, I promise you.

“This isn’t manipulation, unethical, or deceitful. The key is to care.”

If you struggle to care for someone, realize they are structurally tied to “the mission” and you will lose without their help. If you want a good shift at the restaurant you work at, the bad server needs help with their 3 table section. If they don’t get help from you, they’ll give poor service, bring out food late, force the food to get cold and the table will ask for the food to get remade, that will slow down the kitchen, and then YOUR table’s food will be slow and your table will be upset with YOU. I digress.

Surround yourself with Positivity

My best friend David DM’d me a quote on instagram: “Pay attention to with whom you feel your best.”

I later saw another one of those quotes: “Pay attention to who is happy with you, when you’re winning.”

It’s so environmental. Tying back to one of my earlier articles, The Hands That Hold You Down, your environment is directly responsible for not just holding you accountable, but directly influencing the quality of the decisions you make for the day ahead of you.

It’s quite easy once you do the mental heavy lifting. And that is, Honesty. Once you are honest with yourself and answer the following questions, you can easily delegate your attention toward the positivity in your life.

  • What facet or quality of your life would you like to make more deposits into? (Love, Health, Finance, etc.)
  • When you think of a deposit, what does it look like?
    • Is it more time with a loved one? Is it eating healthier foods? Is it avoiding going out when money can be allocated more prudently?
  • Think about who helps you deposit into those categories and who forces you to withdraw from them.
    • At the same time, think about who gives you negativity when you share your progress and who celebrates with you and supports your successes.

Confronting these people can seem so difficult, but I promise you it’s easier than you think, and quite addicting after you start.

For example, I’ve recognized alcohol as a slippery slope in my life that I needed greater control over. See Andrey’s Alcohol Commandments. I had to take an honest look at my life and recognize who I naturally drank more alcohol with.

“My approach was initially light handed”

I suggested alternative activities like playing frisbee, skateboarding, bike rides. Fortunately for me, some of my friends really enjoy doing those things and it was easy to structure hanging out without alcohol needing to be involved.

After hanging out, I just needed to decline an offer to go to a bar or hangout and have a beer.

However, some of my other friends really don’t do much other than drink. They would ask me to hang out, and I had to say I’m busy. It wasn’t unreasonable, since I work a lot and generally live further away. (It really helps that I work night shifts Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and they work a M-F 9-5). Conflicting schedules, busy lives, and if all else fails…
“I’m saving for a wedding.” (Also very true and an incredible motivator).

Prescribe yourself Positivity

I freaking love a conservatory. Plants are beautiful, the buildings are warm and humid, it’s oxygen rich, everyone is in a good mood at a conservatory. I can’t think of a better place to go for positivity than Nature. If it’s cold outside, if you’re in a big city like me, odd’s are there is a conservatory near by that eliminates the cold and the distant forest. The Lincoln Park Conservatory in Chicago is free, and parking is free, so there are really no excuses.

Start a day off with some arugula, sunflower seeds, an apple, some olive oil. Visit a conservatory. Take some photos with your phone of a weird plant or a cool turtle.

“Clear your headspace by flooding it with positivity and displacing anything that’s been holding you back.”

Once you’re in that state of bliss, go through the questions again. It’s uncanny what a new mindset can shed light on.

It will have a domino effect

Surrounding yourself with positive influences and people who celebrate you cascades into every facet of your life. People who you care about, and who care about you give life a new meaning. It gets easier to wake up in the morning. You fall asleep quicker at night. Stress dissipates and so does the blood pressure.

I want everyone to feel significant. If you take the time to filter your life for the things that lift you up, you too will want to give back as much as possible.

Thank you

To the people who help me climb to new heights, you know who you are.

Thank you.

Andrey Starostin

Email
(Yes, I respond and read every one)
Andrey@andreystarostin.com

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When to Promote Yourself to Manager

Total Read Time: 3 Minutes

Short answer: right now, but it’ll take people three years to believe it.

Leadership starts every day when the alarm goes off.

Start by managing yourself. People naturally want self improvement. It’s called progress. We do not like to go backward. When those people see you succeeding, they will want a piece of the action. They will come to you for advice and for vicarious thrill.

DO NOT SEEK OUT PEOPLE TO LEAD

Do not start a cult. Motivation works better when it is sought out by those looking to be motivated.

Trust me, when you’re winning, people will look to be led.

Why it Takes THREE Years

Year ONE:

You enter as a beginner, albeit with a set of predisposed skills, but in the eyes of everyone around you, a beginner. You are developing relationships with those around you. You care for them like your family. Without them, there is no winning. YOU CAN NOT DO IT ALONE. You stay humble, you learn from the people around you with tenure, your job is to care.

Year TWO:

You begin to master your surroundings and naturally see areas in need of improvement. You suggest and implement new strategies and processes that benefit everyone on the team. Your relationships are strengthened.

Year THREE:

People see consistency in your actions. You truly want what is best for them. You’ve made prudent choices and beneficial improvements for the team. You’ve made the Investment of Time. There is no better evidence for your commitment than time.

Start today

Congratulations, you’ve been promoted to manager. If you’re here for money, power, control, you can go home. In order to EARN the position, you have to act as though you already have it. You have to care. Above all else, you have to care. Anyone can see through bullshit. If you are motivated by anything other than seeing everyone around you thrive, you’ll fail, because they won’t believe you.

Thank you for your time, for your attention, and for your support.

Every time I am notified that someone has read my writing, it makes me feel significant. Every time someone has a conversation with me, shares their personal experiences, asks me for further clarification, I am made whole.

Thank you,

Andrey Starostin

Email
(Yes, I respond and read every one)
Andrey@andreystarostin.com

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How to WIN Today: Forget the Nail; Just Swing the Hammer

Total Read Time: 4 Minutes

“Basically as we try to design more than we can comprehend, more than we can understand. We will shift from traditional engineering to evolutionary algorithms and iterative learning algorithms like deep learning and machine learning. And as we shift this engineering to the training of these iterative algorithms, the locust of learning shifts from the artifacts themselves, to the process that created them.”

Tim Ferriss podcast: 404: Steve Jurvetson,

Tradition tells us,

Keep your eyes on the prize

We are led to believe we can do anything we set our mind to.

We are given tools to dial back the size of our goals. The end seems so far away. It all feels so daunting.

Dale Carnegie advised us to live in “day tight compartments.”

If you’re worrying about tomorrow, you’ll lose track of today. Dale suggests focusing solely on today.

This is the “dialing back” I mentioned earlier. Take Quick analysis of your end goal and you can figure out what you can do today to get closer.

WHAT IF YOU HAVE NO END GOAL?

Crazy right?

That’s been my life for the past 10 years. 2010 I thought I’d be a math teacher, 2012: a photographer, 2014: a beer brewer, and plenty more in between.

Enough about me, how about you?

It’s okay to NOT know what you want.

You can spend years, even decades figuring out your desires and goals.

You can be a lot more productive with that time.

FOCUS ON THE PROCESS, NOT THE OUTCOME

Love the Hunt, not the kill.

Doesn’t it make sense? If you’re searching and fighting for happiness, are you saying you’re unhappy now? Do you think the dream job will bring you fulfillment? Once you have it, you will still have to go to work. If work now makes you unhappy, then work later, albeit different, will also make you unhappy.

I volunteer, I’ll be the bearer of bad news.

Your appetite won’t stop growing. You think $100k a year is enough, but once you have it, you’ll need $200k, $500k, $1,000,000.

Stop imagining the future. Start living right now.

Jocko Willink’s latest podcast, episode 210: Leadership Strategy and Tactics, talks about the seal teams advancement strategy. It’s just like life. “As soon as you feel ready and comfortable to do your role, you’re promoted and advanced forward.”

You’re in a constant state of progress. That means, you’re never “there.” You’ve never arrived, because you’re already here.

THE PROCESS

If you believe anything I’m saying, if you’ve read this far…

First of all, thank you 🙂

Secondly, let’s set some assumptions:

You don’t need money. Money just allows you to spend more time doing the things you want. Assume you have enough money and start doing the things you like.

You have time. Worrying about time is a waste of it. Tomorrow is future you’s problem.

There’s nothing to be a afraid of. If you’re not working toward any goal, remember you don’t know what you want, then you can’t fail. I mean, failure is the biggest fear right?

What’s left?

That’s right, nothing. Nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. You have nothing to do, except what you desire. The choice can be anything. The direction can change any and every time you want.

The only thing that remains is process. You start small. Start now.

Thank you

For your endless love and support.

Andrey Starostin

Email
(Yes, I respond and read every one)
Andrey@andreystarostin.com

Instagram
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Bibliography

Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your time and attention. Thank you to my loved ones who give me significance.

Inspired by Tim Ferriss podcast: 404: Steve Jurvetson

Further inspiration by Jocko Podcast Episode 210: Leadership Strategy and Tactics

Suggested reading:

Dale Carnegie’s, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

A quick weekend read. Dale’s typical analogous style keeps you following along with examples to back any and all of his theories.

Late to Life: Theater Theory

Total Read Time: 3 Minutes

HOW TO BE LESS STRESSED. HOW TO ARRIVE ON TIME. HOW TO GET STUFF DONE.

In a previous article I wrote about examining your lateness to things in your life as a filter showing you what you really don’t like to be doing. 

Today I want to examine the stress behind lateness, but more importantly how to reason with it. 

Think of your day and it’s priorities as a movie. When you go to the movie theater everything gets put on hold. Everything before it doesn’t matter anymore. You watch the movie. If a phone rings, that’s rude. If you have to go to the bathroom, the movie is a lessened experience. An uninterrupted focus makes for the best return on investment. Yes, Investment. Everything you did prior to the movie set you up for the experience you had.

You can think about your life as a movie.

Rather, your day is you preparing for mini movies. You know what needs your attention. You can make sure all of the other things get done. When it’s showtime, you can focus on the task. 

Let’s talk about arriving at the movie theater.

The getting ready, the getting out the door, the traffic, the parking, the standing in line, the popcorn, the bathroom, finding the theater, and finally, the movie. Each of those steps can be traced back from the time the movie starts. 

We know what time the movie starts. That’s a constant.

“Because the train is leaving and it will not be waiting for you.”

Knowing that invariable constraint, we can look one step back at a time, and examine what we can control and what we can’t. 

If We know the way to the theater room. 

If We know where the bathroom is. 

If we know how long the average popcorn line is. 

If we know the duration  of the ticket stand line. 

If we know how long the worst case, furthest parking spot, would take us to walk from. 

If we open google maps and know how long the traffic will hold us back. 

Then we are at the juicy reason for why you’re late. 

You didn’t get out the door in time. 

Before that, you didn’t start getting ready soon enough. 

Before that… you get the point. 

That’s why you hear about people waking up at 4:30am. It’s the only way to remove constraints on your day. It’s the only way to take ownership of your day and make it what you want it to be. 

The Point

When you’re late to something you care about, you’re stressed.

Take ownership.

Eliminate the things you don’t care about.

Less noise. More focus.

Start early. Arrive on time.

Thank You So Much

For your time, for your energy, for your support.
Just, Thank you.

Andrey Starostin

Email
(Yes, I respond and read every one)
Andrey@andreystarostin.com

Instagram
a.o.starostin

Bibliography: 

Thank you so much, to my loved ones for your endless love and support. Thank you Kyrie for listening to my never-ending rants. 

This article was inspired by a conversation I heard between Tim Ferriss and Dr. Philip Zimbardo. 

Tim Ferriss podcast episode: #226

Some awesome reading to go along with the idea of making time for your priorities:

Deep work, by Cal Newport

Cal Newport touches on the importance of undivided attention and it’s capability to achieve unheard of annual goals. It was a quick read with a majority of “the meat” 3/4 of the way in. 

Live On Purpose

Total Read Time: 6 Minutes

This is one of the hardest and at the same time easiest topics for me to write about. The difficulty comes from how important it is to me, because I’m okay at failing at things I don’t care about. This is not one of those things. The ease: because it consumes me; there is no shortage of material in my brain when it comes to this. -Andrey Starostin

It hits when you’re confronted with the question of time. How much time do I have left? For some, it’s so crystal clear and in focus, that their next steps have no alternative. For the people who face the doctor, prescribing the amount of days they have left, I have the utmost respect. I’m most impressed by their outlook on life. In every experience I’ve encountered, be it podcast interview or story, the individual who has accepted the finality of life has disconnected with entitlement and focuses with pinpoint accuracy what is most important to them in their remaining days.

There is a lesson to be learned here. Living every day as if it was your last is not practical. However, living the next 5-10 years seems to get closer to the point. The point is one I’ve made repetitively throughout my writing; and it is intention. What are you doing on purpose? I mean truly thought out with reasoning and discernment.

Let’s take it back a notch and examine the span of one’s life… from a western perspective with a heavy bias from what I’ve seen and experienced.

I truly apologize that I do not have the end all be all answer to what is the meaning of life. I can only write what I can be genuine about.

The life of Andrey Starostin

  • Birth
  • Immigrated to USA, without speaking English
  • Raised through the United States educational system
  • K-12 into higher education (Bachelor’s)
  • Spat out into the real world, with no more curriculum
  • Self betterment: job hopping and career development through business education – entrepreneurial endeavors
  • Ended 4 year relationship and started the relationship I never knew I needed
  • Self betterment: emotional stability, facing past traumas, dealing with self honesty and intentionality, discipline, and leadership.
  • Today: 19 December 2019

Analysis

Self analysis… ahh the bias… wowww he’s full of himself…

My goal here is to articulate the necessity for intention, based on where in my life it has struck organically and the impact it’s had.

Let’s start with the lovely topic of immigration.

I moved to Chicago, Illinois at 5, almost 6 years old. One huge takeaway, believe me there can be an entire book on it’s own, is assimilation and conformity. At a core, I am a mix of extrovert and introvert, but overall I need to feel like I belong and I recharge independently (most of the time just the 10 minutes on the toilet scrolling through instagram while my legs go numb is enough). As a kid, not knowing English really threw a wrench in my whole needing to fit in. My parents told me of the stories I’ve evidently repressed when I came to them crying because I didn’t know how to ask the neighbor’s daughter if they’d come outside and play with me. My parents also told me about the phone call they received from the ESL program director, exclaiming my sister and I graduated into acceptable fluency in record time.

“I believe this was the beginning of my exposure to the power of intention.”

Although K-12 were some exhilarating years of my life, I’d like to talk about

Falling flat on my face in College

Entering the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, I was dropped off in my dorm room and for the first time in my life, I tasted freedom. Although I had a great time, after my first year of adjusting to independence it would be an understatement to say my grades and personal development suffered. Sophomore year had to be different. I switched majors and essentially started over, having to make up for lost time by overloading my schedule. With the intention of finishing school in 4 years and not being a failure in the eyes of my family who raised me in an educational siphon, I was able to graduate on time and learn self sufficiency and independence.

My first bout of intentional self betterment was through my first business:

Starostin Photography

During my sophomore year of college, while my sister was planning her wedding, she spoke with her photographer and I came up during the topic of hiring more help. The business asked for my portfolio, which I of course had never compiled. To save time, I’ll say I never heard from the business again. Nonetheless, the endeavor gave me the lens to view photography as a business I could do. (Obligatory photography pun)

I started the business taking photos of families, couples, animals, etc. and it taught me such a tremendous amount of lessons. This blossomed into research about business, when I was introduced to Tim Ferriss’ and Tony Robbins’ work amongst many others. Thus began:

Andrey Starostin’s Self Help Education

I was engrossed by the possibility of making it in America on my own. Yes, I had a college education under my belt, but I truthfully desired being my own boss and creating something meaningful for the world. I re-examined my life and, despite a durable effort to reach out to the professional Editorial world, Photography wasn’t it for me. I was back on my keister with a restaurant job in a failing relationship. Until…

The Life-changing, Unapologetically Honest, Love of My Life, Kyrie came along

This is a topic I will be returning to many times.

Kyrie has been the first person in my life that made me look at myself and want to be a better person. As selfish as it sounds, self-deprecation was my go-to anytime a decision needed to be made. I realized with Kyrie that I have a future and I have goals of being a husband and a father. I wanted immediately to work on and make myself the best man I could be. With the safety of the trust I received from Kyrie, she scraped down to the core of my being, picked up every broken piece of my traumatic past, and made it okay for me to be vulnerable. That my friends, is Love.

19 December 2019

Which brings me to today: the Andrey Starostin full of intent to better himself into a husband and a father. Yes, that is the end goal. I could not imagine a better life than the honor of being a husband and a father.

Again, I wrote out my life up to this point to highlight the times that have been truly life changing. I owe those times to,

Intention

If you were going to die in 10 years, what would the next 12 months look like? Odds are, you’d probably go back to the same job at first, but then what?

It is that question that answers my priorities for me.

Money: I hate money. I’ve always hated money. Damn it we need it though. Money is flexible and can come from a variety of sources. Let’s put money on the back burner.

Family: There we go. That’s important. Let’s talk more than the family we were born into. Let’s talk about the family we made for ourselves. The people we choose every day to surround ourselves with. That’s the family I’m talking about. Yes, you could spend more time with them, but you can’t take them away from their lives for 10 years. Every time you do spend with them, could have more quality, more intention, more attention.

Work: Remember, money is on the back burner. I’m talking about the work you’re here on this Earth for. What, if you died today, would be work left unfinished that only you could complete?

Leisure: Fast forward a month, maybe even just a week into you finding out you’re dying in 10 years. You’re burnt out from all the emotional pressure. You’re overwhelmed and you need a release, a distraction, something to ease the tension. Hobbies are invaluable. Truly fulfilling hobbies are the best way to recharge and get you back into a meditative stable state of mind. It could be reading a book. It could be kickboxing. It’s different for everyone.

Fitness: What if the doctor was wrong? Do you cave and let yourself go for 10 years? Or do you look in the mirror and fight for the 11th, and the 12th. Fitness is more than going to the gym. Fitness is a lifestyle of dedicating yourself to feeling optimal. Fitness is work that can not be bought. Only you are responsible for looking that damn good.

How do you get the most out of 10 years?

Let’s make a plan. Let’s make a weekly checklist of meeting your priorities.

Where and when will you organize your family, work, leisure, and fitness? Ideally, we begin with a blank calendar assuming you are starting entirely fresh. They are your priorities for a reason, so fill them in first. In between all of those things, we have to talk about money.

You have a choice.

Either you can slide all of those priorities around and make money fit when it comes from some extra job you work at, OR you can make your life’s work (the meaningful one that only you can do), your leisure (the one you truly enjoy), or your fitness (that you’re doing to better yourself) make money for you. It would be an even bigger bonus if you could combine two or more.

“Remember, never mix family and business. Money and Blood don’t mix.”

If this sounds too hard, let me ask you, have you even tried?

If they’re truly your priorities, you’re already doing the work, enjoying the leisure, and making yourself fit every day, every week.

This is where Intention comes in. Take some time and examine your priorities. Look at what means the most to you in this world and write it down so it doesn’t consume you while you’re trying to sleep at night.

If you are awake at night, thinking, I ask for you to do one thing: Be grateful for the world around you. It is so much bigger than you. This life of yours is worth more intention. This world needs all of you.

Thank You

I am so thankful for my family and friends that support me every day.

Thank you Kyrie for your undivided love and endless patience.

Lastly, I am thankful for you, my audience and the time you dedicated to read this.

Thank you,

Andrey Starostin

Email
(Yes, I respond and read every one)
Andrey@andreystarostin.com

Instagram
a.o.starostin

The Hands That Hold You Down, Could Be Hands That Pull You Up

Total Read Time: 6 Minutes

Picture a man riding a chariot pulled by two winged horses. The horses: one noble and sound paired with one of the opposite will. The horses are the devil and angel on your shoulders. The charioteer is your mind. The chariot, your body. Without the reign of enlightened reason and discipline, your horses will guide you to danger.  – Phaedrus, by Plato.

A quick disclaimer by Andrey Starostin: I am not a physician. Please consult your doctor to ensure your safety both physically and mentally before you follow any of my suggestions. 

To gain control over your body, you must first control your desires pulling you to the path of least resistance. I can’t speak for everyone, but several of my friends and I agree that once you abstain from sugar for a little while, it becomes less appealing. Every once in a while I fold under pressure and have a blueberry muffin. I’m reminded every time, it’s not even THAT good. Trust me, not only is it possible, but it becomes easy to make the right decisions for eating, for choosing engaging activities, and even choices for your financial health.

“The initial resistance that trees face when they stretch their roots is the same Earth that solidifies to hold them in the face of any storm.”

Have you ever noticed how annoying people are who start working out? 

They’re onto something…

“Once your environment is supportive of your goals, you will weather any storm.”

The way to upgrade your lifestyle is to update your ecosystem. If you are growing and your ecosystem is not, your surroundings will resist your progress and pull you back to your previous comforts. If you FIRST change your ecosystem, you will be pulled UP and into improvement.

When you begin to work on yourself, It is uncanny how irresistible it is to talk about fitness and health. No matter what stage you are in your journey, the temptation to share will always seep out of your smile. That’s why people who take care of themselves like to talk about their skin care routine. *eyeroll*

A note on empathy. People who are fit and healthy make working out seem so easy. It’s hard. Damn hard to start and even harder to keep going. I can’t stress enough how important it is to reward every little victory. I really mean every little victory. Make small goals. Take consistent effort. The plateau is real, and when it hits try your exercises at a different angle, with more intensity, or simply with less rest between sets. 

“If nothing changes, nothing changes.”

Method:

  1. Desire 
  2. Discipline 
  3. Measurement = Progress
  4. Progress = Desire
  5. Rinse, Lather, and Reinforce with REWARD

Let’s start with Ease of Use

The more we talk about fitness, the more excuses come up why you can’t. 

Start with what you can do. 

Forget counting calories. 

I tried counting calories one time, realizing it’s too easy to bullshit. Even the most honest record will have the human error between who made the food and who is measuring their meal. 

That’s not to say it’s impossible; I’ve seen people take control and transform their life measuring their food intake. I’m being honest. I succumb to dishonesty in self reporting the measurement of calories.

A farm needs a good fence.

(Stay with me here) A farmer building his fence can carefully measure every post. He can save an enormous amount of time and energy. How? By measuring the first one and using it as a stencil for the following hundred posts. 

I consider counting calories a calibration. Cacophony of alliteration at it’s finest. 

I like to check in every once in a while with my portion control by counting a meal’s calories. Once I know roughly what the size of my meal is, my infantile mind is appeased. 

Basics to calories: 

Keep in mind, this is an exaggerated simplification.

Food intake – Physical expenditure during the day = caloric surplus or deficit at the end of the day

Surplus in calories = gaining weight

Deficit in calories= losing weight

Forget the Gym

Your home is your gym and you are the squat rack. ESPECIALLY in the beginning. There is no need for bars or weights. Your foundation should be set with proper range of motion and flexibility. Body weight exercises mitigate risk. Your focus should always be on form. If you don’t believe in commitment without buying something, make it a pull-up bar. 

Ritualize 

If you turn your fitness into a routine, you have a much better chance of sticking to it. Even if you can’t give it 100% every day, SOMETHING will be so much more effective in the long run than nothing at all. 

Pacing with Intention

Calendars make something actually happen. Schedule ahead. Plan out a routine for yourself. Set an end goal that is a certain skill or technique that you want to be able to do. 

For example, I started out wanting to touch my toes at any point in the day without pain. 

The important part here is pacing a difficulty that is not too hard, but challenging enough that you don’t get stuck in a plateau. 

I made sure to stretch. I stretched all of the muscle groups involved in touching my toes every day. I identified where my weakest links were.

You should schedule a recalibration day every week to see where your progress is at. This leads us to…

Scalability

Your fitness goals will always be scalable if you follow a recalibration schedule. The focus on constant adaptation and change will never allow for a plateau. Your body is smart. It likes to be ready for challenges. So keep challenging it by looking for creative ways of doing the same things you’ve mastered.

Reward

At every interval you have to treat yourself. It’s so important to honor the fact that you are putting in the work that so many people struggle with. Making the right decision every day will grow and harden your discipline. The best way to make sure you’re rewarding yourself is by measuring your progress. While scheduling your routines, set goals and measure where you’re at every day.

Thank you

Thank you to Kyrie, to my family and friends, to you, my audience and my peers. You motivate me and make me feel significant.

Andrey Starostin

Email
(Yes, I respond and read every one)
Andrey@andreystarostin.com

Instagram
a.o.starostin